Interlochen.

So Kallen and Caitlin are in Amsterdam, the land of pot and hookers. I got a picture today of a glass case full of dildos... apparently they went to the sex museum in the red light district. Whatever, lol. They invited me to go with them, but I have real life financial responsibilities (plus I have no interest in Amsterdam) but seriously, I miss them. I miss them a lot. I met a transgender guy named Tony yesterday and he is my surrogate bff for the week. And then I've been texting/hanging out with some of the guy counselors. No girls. Of course. Sometimes I don't really feel like a woman at all. There are little things that confuse me. And that makes me feel a little bit weird. Whatever. They should be here the night of the 23rd, but that's still such a long ways away. Especially since camp hasn't even started. And Dylan's working stage crew, so he has his own group of friends to hang out with. So I just sit still. Journal. Blog, apparently.

Yesterday Rachel and I got the call (actually I called them, but whatever.) that we have been approved for our Colorado apartment. (: So she's working, and I start work tomorrow. And from then on it's saving money, working full time, making lots of lists, and when I get back to Ohio, FINISH PACKING. I'm only going to have like, 3 days, to pack all the things to build my life with 1500 miles away. I have lists all over my life. I cannot wait. It's 56 days for me, 38(?) for Rach. We have furniture and cookbooks and regular books and pillowcases and all the other things you need in order to live. It's going to be such a great adventure.

Dylan and I are sitting at Buds, chilling on our computers (sidenote: I always wonder what people do on their computers that takes so long... I get on, check facebook, maybe tumblr, and then... that's it. lol. and I'm bored. I would much rather have my journal and a pen.). Tonight we're going to the Karlin Inn, but that's in another hour and I'm starving to death. All I've eaten today is a bowl of cereal. Soon I'm going to die of hunger. Whatever.


I'm going to put my computer away.

Elyse

Isaiah 66: 13

anxieeeeety.

Psalm 34:18

I did what you suggested... I just wish so desperately I would get a straightforward answer.

I'm exhausted but there's no way I could sleep right now, I'm too tired, if that's possible.
Everything is kind of blurry and I can't really breathe and my eyes are so swollen I can barely see out of them. At least Mom hugged me when she saw me. They understand. They know I'm not just being dramatic. But wow, it just feels so impossible.

71 days. I am so tired of this. The word "forever" just keeps sounding better and better. 

idk man.

(:  graduated from hesston. graduated from bartending school. kals graduated. we had a party for her. ash is getting married, so we're heading out to joplin this weekend. rach got  hired at dave&busters  today (: i'm going to be in 2 weddings within the next two weeks and then going to interlochen (: it's time for summer to get interesting, since i found out jen isn't going to be back from nicaragua any time soon :/ blahhhh. at least i have my journal. <3

today

i made monster cookies :)

ugh.

i am so restless. im not sure what to dooooooooooooooooo.

plans.

so. much. traveling.

i am exhausted. and happy. rachel looks kinda like a rasta chick with dreads because her hair's pulled back. it rules. but she doesn't have dreads. so... but anyways.

we've been so so so so so busy lately. Went to Colorado and found theeee most gorgeous apartment, which we must have. Then went to Ohio to see Ma for her birthday and surprise Kals, plus to see the guys in my life. (: It was so great to see them. And also to make such a huge trip just because. (: And then this weekend we went to Tulsa to Rach's parent's house for Easter. (: I met like, 27 bajillion people, and they were all fantastic. lol. I did a ton of laundry and ate a lot of peanut butter pie. AND TRIED A HAMBURGER. it was weird. lol. i don't think i'm ever going to want beef the way i used to. gross.

anyways, now we're just getting so SO ready for graduation. Already working on cleaning/packing. Ugh, it's definitely past time to leave this place.

Anyways. <3

Art Journalssssssssssssssssssssss

OMG, it's like there's this entire underground society that COMPLETES me that nobody ever told me about. I'm so amazed there are people out there more into journaling than me. I'm literally only on my laptop to look at the archives upon archives of art journal pages from other people, and i am amazed. but what is really difficult about me starting up an art journal is that i'm not an artist full time. like, i don't have a studio. i don't have multiple "journals" that i work on at a time. and i'm the most impatient person in the world, so i hardly ever wait for my paint to dry, i just snap my journal shut and lug (yes, it is becoming heavy enough that it must be lugged now) it wherever i am needed in the world, and once i open it in class or at work or in the car, i have to kind of rip the pages apart as they have become stuck together with the force of a million ancient gods holding them together. and then there are ripped edges everywhere and everything is all stuck together and messy, which is a really new thing for me and my journals. it's perfect. how could i never have thrown so much paint on these pages? how could i have not printed off these pictures and scribbled in the margins and just thrown my entire soul into these pages? they're entirely mine, and they're finally starting to look like what i see when i close my eyes. the pages are so thick and they are wavy from being so drenched in watercolours and the pens run everywhere and omgoodness this journal is a disaster. but i think it's more of a reflection of my soul than anything i've ever had up until this point.

earlier today Rachel told me that my journal is like my drunk self, i'm always honest in my journal. but you know the absolutely most beautiful thing about having the journals i have? they're completely 100% irrefutably mine. mine, mine, mine. i am dramatic, i misquote song lyrics, i don't cite my sources, i whine, i cry, i scribble, i dream, i misspell and the entire thing is one huge enormous run-on sentence. BUT THEY'RE MINE.

point of this being, i really love my journals. <3

hey guys.

(: so it's been such a crappy day, but now that classes are over for the day and it's raining and i'm just hanging out in my panties and comfy sweatshirt with my bff, things are okay. our room is still a mess, and there is still paint on my hands. my foot hurts so badly i can hardly walk, and im not on schedule with a bunch of things i should have done already. however, i feel okay.


so lately i've been really really into my journal lately. it sucks being away from kallen and caitlin because i really need a journal buddy. but i feel good about it. it's filling up about as quickly as it used to, and i want to spend time working in it, making it something i'm proud of for the first time in a long time. this journal is also my very first experiment with art journaling, and i absolutely adore it. it's so much fun, but our room is absolutely bursting with scraps of coloured paper, glue sticks, acrylics, watercolours, things to glue in (movie tickets, lists, magazine cutouts, etc.). i'm not sure how rach feels about it, but it doesn't bother me any (:


speaking of naps. i'm going to go take one. <3

Colorado [insert heart]

Apartment hunting with Rach, staying in this gorgeous house in Colorado. Driving around, listening to music, walking, drinking tea, ahhh.

I cannot wait to move. <3y

To get even further away from those high school years.