hey man.

So I was just sitting in class today, thinking about my life, contemplating this stupid brief chance I get at making something matter, and in the midst of all of that... I realized it's high time I start using this blog again.
I made my other one in the very middle of a high-drama, high-anger time, and that's really the vibe I'm still getting from that blog. I am not ever interested in posting, and I just feel more at home on this one, I suppose.
So anyways, that explains my somewhat abrupt return to This Just In.

To catch you guys up, here are the happenings of my life:
1. I actually just got the call that I was finally hired as a barista at the coffee tent at Interlochen. All I can say is, after 4 years of begging, omg finally. lol.
2. I am very very very much in love. (: It's almost been a trip down memory-lane recently, but I was reading through my old journals and my old posts on here and... yeah. I was always nervous I wasn't actually in love and something better, more powerful, stronger, something I'd rather fight for, would come along and I'd be completed instead of finding a puzzle piece that sort of fits if you kind of wiggle it and then pound it down and pretend you don't notice that it doesn't fit right. And apparently I had a right to be so. It's been over a year and we are stronger than ever.<3 <3 <3
3. I'm not going back to school next year. (: Current roommate and bffffff, Rach, and I are moving to Boulder, Colorado and not coming back. lol. Ever. But seriously, we're getting an apartment and working for a year. Then going to the University of Colorado at Boulder in the fall of 2013. Everybody I talk to says that's a place I'm really going to shine. Well, I sincerely hope so. I'm tired of explaining my personality to all the clones out here.
4. I did my year without meat, and now I'm occassionally eating a little bit. I'll still probably choose the vegetarian dish, but I'm not completely cutting it off. It's nice to feel accomplished and free. At least in that one aspect of my life.
5. I'm on a super weight loss kick. Blahh. It's been three weeks, and it took a little while to adjust to it, but now it's totally rad. I've only lost 5 pounds so far, but seriously... I have a good excuse for this past week, lol. But seriously, it's a super kick. Not just a kick, a super one.
6. And of course, some things never change... journaling<3. reading<3. movies<3. maybe that one's new. (:

Whatever, working on defining myself, working on being happy in such a grey place. Forever uncertain.

-elyse... or someone like it.

don't cry, don't cry.

there are things i've constantly thought about saying, but never said. there are things i've wished and wished and prayed for that simply haven't happened. there are a million things trapped inside my head, crashing into the coast of my "don't say" beach. it's not a nice beach.


*I wish he hadn't heard me say that today. I really don't mean it. He's my favorite, and I hate that I hurt him. Don't tell me it was for attention. Attention doesn't make your eyes that red.

*After so long, I'm scared our relationship will never be the same again. It hasn't even been terribly long, but things have changed so much between us. I'm awkward and scared. I don't like to show her how I really feel. God, help us.<3

*I'm scared he'll fall out of love with me. It hit me that he could be the one to end up breaking my heart today. I hope he loves me as much as he did the first time.

*I love being the girl I am to him. Especially cheering him on while he's trannying it up and sharing my makeup and nail polish remover with him. I'm proud of him. I could try not to be, but there's no point. He is amazing and perfect. He is my psuedo little brother. I care about him. I worry about him. I get proud of him and shout his fucking name to the heavens. I love him more than I've loved any one of them these past 4 years. It scares me he'll be gone forever. I'm not sure if my heart could handle that right now. After all... Stephen broke my heart.

I feel empty and angry. I miss Drew with the impossibility of finding the most miniscule shard of glass. I miss him with my eyes and my hands and my lips. I miss his smile and his voice. and i shouldn't miss him this much after only 10 hours.

But I do.

I miss him like he's gone away to sea and I will wait at the shore for him to come back. I miss him as badly as I cried in the shower that day. I miss him I miss him I miss him.



This summer has been full of interesting things. And yet?
I feel unfulfilled.


*Chalk twister
*Midget wrestling
*Sand-Hole
*Friday Night Live
*Pre-Collage
*New Lappy
*Drive-In movies
*Third Cooler Meetings, AKA getting crunk in the cooler. (:
*New bike


it's time for a change. it really is. it is so overdue. I found a blog yesterday of this woman who was feeling the same way I am right now, and she inspired me. I will explain more once I know the details. But things are going to be interesting, dammit.

In Other News.

I love him. (:

i really do.

here

i've never felt this way before. it physically hurts me sometimes and makes me crinkle my eyebrows and just hold on to him. it makes me feel like flying sometimes. like i own the world and nothing i do could possibly fail. it makes me nervous, makes me smile, makes me cry, makes me skip and jump around like a little girl. he completely owns my heart.

Hopefully every entry from now on will not be like that. (: But that's what's going on lately. In addition...

* Interesting work relationships. It's funny how things change.

* Getting things set for Tennessee and college. Life is making nervous... it will never be the same again. And I think that's okay.

* Extreme Midget Wrestling... yes. I went to that last night. And it was the greatest thing ever. My baby and I ordered tickets online, went to this trashy club in a shady part of town, and got crazy dumb bracelets at the door. And watched midgets wrestle. If you ever get the chance... GO. It was so amazingly hilarious. (:

* I'm trying to plan something cute for me and Drew's 10 month on Monday. We'll see how that goes, I guess. I love him. I really do. (:

Is It Really?

here

this whole thing seems like a pretty huge commitment.


but maybe it's different than it has always seemed.

LATELY.

it's becoming harder and harder for me to not shout it out.

here

Happy New Journal, Elyse.

Envy has always been a problem of mine. No matter who or what it is, I can always find a way to be envious. But this time... I really think I have a reason.
here

He's there without me. :/ And I miss him.


Kallen and I went on a drive the other day. On the way home, I realized these are the moments that make up the story of my life. It seemed rather insignificant at the time. But looking back... It's dumb of me to be upset that I don't feel interesting sometimes... When I have 86,400 seconds in a day to do something I'm proud of.


I, Elyse Terry, promise to grab each moment
and not let go. I promise to find something
beautiful and spectacular each day, and to
treat life with the respect and love it deserves.

here

The Fight.

I have not been this worried about my relationship since... I got in it.

Lately I've been feeling very neutral about life, and it's wearing through my relationship with Drew. He asks what's wrong, and I say nothing, because I'm not sure how to explain this feeling. When he pushes and pushes, I keep saying I'm okay because I don't know what else to say. And then he lets it go. And it breaks my heart. And I feel like I need to let him know. But of course I can't say it like a normal person. So I bitch him out until I'm in tears.

But maybe it's a good thing. Some times I get in moods where I feel like it's time for a heart to break. Usually it's mine. But sometimes, by breaking my own heart... I break other people's. I can never win.

I was flipping through my journal today

on the way to Cincinnati, and I found a quote I'd written a month or so back, and it said, "Life rarely matches our

expectations." I thought maybe I was telling myself I was just in a rough patch with my fire for life. And although this should probably make me feel better... I have never felt more hopeless.

this is where i was today.

I Just Don't Know.

Drew and I regularly remind each other that in just a few short weeks, we will get to see each other every day. While I'm excited, I'm also terrified. Every summer I find that one guy who I decide is my "love interest." Although I've obviously never fallen in love with any of these guys, it has always been fun to see who I can get to buy me drinks or ask for my number or who will go out of their way to talk to me. And this summer... I can't do that.

When we first started dating, I figured this was just a fun relationship until college. And then things got more serious. Not serious, but more serious than I thought they would get. And that was okay. And the more things keep going now, I do love him in certain ways. I really do. However... now I'm wondering if it would be better if I just left a good thing a good thing until waiting until we fall apart and we're both miserable from missing each other. I just don't know what to do. I want to be with him for a while. But honestly? I'm not sure if I can see us together in a year (with both of us being satisfied with this...).

Anyways. Today I think I am mostly just hanging out until I get my shots done for college, and Shelby and I are going shopping for supplies for our Annual Picnic tomorrow. (: Currently, the menu consists of: chocolate covered strawberries, bagel sandwiches, cinnamon rolls, and sparkling fruit juice. I feel like maybe we need one other thing. But I'm not so sure. Ideas?

The good news is, I've been really making an effort to go to church lately, and I think it's paying off. I feel a little bit closer to God, and I appreciate the support from all of you girls. Thank you so much.

I Refuse.

here
This morning I was laying with Drew on his bed, and I almost said it. I almost did. And then? I thought about it. Some things about him I really do love. But that's just it... Some things. If we go by loving somebody for some things about themselves... I would be in love 5 times over. So I kept my mouth shut.

I feel like Summer in 500 Days of Summer. I feel like I may love him a certain way right now... but I will be sure with someone else what I wasn't/am not with him. And I don't want to hurt him, but I'm really scared. And in the meantime... I'm so unaware of how far is too far (physically). Thoughts?

This weekend has been some kind of wonderful. What kind, I'm not really sure. I've done a lot of driving, and I've done a lot of jamming to Lady Gaga. I've also done a lot of searching for an energy drink I've found once in my life. :/ My baby graduated from high school last night, by the way. (: I am so very proud of him, even if the ceremony was so ridiculously long and boring. However... he made it. (:

God, please help me and Drew grow according to Your plan for us. Amen.

Oh, It Is Love...?

He loves me.
I was sitting on his bed, and I asked him if he remembered our first kiss. (: He said he did, because it was the exact spot we were sitting. Then I told him about this ancient mythology legend about how soul mates used to be connected and have four arms and four legs and two heads. But then the gods were jealous and intimidated by the power and connection they held, so they seperated them into two beings forever. That is how the idea of soul mates came to be. As I told him this, I was looking into his eyes, and then he just said "I love you." However, I am me, so I started crying and I told him I wasn't ready to say it back. Sometimes I do love him. Sometimes the emotion I feel for him can only be explained as "I love you." But... I'm so young. It terrifies me and excites me at the same time. Sometimes I do love him with my entire heart. And sometimes. I'm not so sure. I told him I didn't want to say it now and then later say I didn't mean it, so I wasn't going to say it yet. He understands, but I wish I had more for him. I really wish I did. God, please hold our relationship. Please guide my feelings and give me strength. Amen.