In Other News.

I love him. (:

i really do.

here

i've never felt this way before. it physically hurts me sometimes and makes me crinkle my eyebrows and just hold on to him. it makes me feel like flying sometimes. like i own the world and nothing i do could possibly fail. it makes me nervous, makes me smile, makes me cry, makes me skip and jump around like a little girl. he completely owns my heart.

Hopefully every entry from now on will not be like that. (: But that's what's going on lately. In addition...

* Interesting work relationships. It's funny how things change.

* Getting things set for Tennessee and college. Life is making nervous... it will never be the same again. And I think that's okay.

* Extreme Midget Wrestling... yes. I went to that last night. And it was the greatest thing ever. My baby and I ordered tickets online, went to this trashy club in a shady part of town, and got crazy dumb bracelets at the door. And watched midgets wrestle. If you ever get the chance... GO. It was so amazingly hilarious. (:

* I'm trying to plan something cute for me and Drew's 10 month on Monday. We'll see how that goes, I guess. I love him. I really do. (:

The Fight.

I have not been this worried about my relationship since... I got in it.

Lately I've been feeling very neutral about life, and it's wearing through my relationship with Drew. He asks what's wrong, and I say nothing, because I'm not sure how to explain this feeling. When he pushes and pushes, I keep saying I'm okay because I don't know what else to say. And then he lets it go. And it breaks my heart. And I feel like I need to let him know. But of course I can't say it like a normal person. So I bitch him out until I'm in tears.

But maybe it's a good thing. Some times I get in moods where I feel like it's time for a heart to break. Usually it's mine. But sometimes, by breaking my own heart... I break other people's. I can never win.

I was flipping through my journal today

on the way to Cincinnati, and I found a quote I'd written a month or so back, and it said, "Life rarely matches our

expectations." I thought maybe I was telling myself I was just in a rough patch with my fire for life. And although this should probably make me feel better... I have never felt more hopeless.

this is where i was today.