hey man.

So I was just sitting in class today, thinking about my life, contemplating this stupid brief chance I get at making something matter, and in the midst of all of that... I realized it's high time I start using this blog again.
I made my other one in the very middle of a high-drama, high-anger time, and that's really the vibe I'm still getting from that blog. I am not ever interested in posting, and I just feel more at home on this one, I suppose.
So anyways, that explains my somewhat abrupt return to This Just In.

To catch you guys up, here are the happenings of my life:
1. I actually just got the call that I was finally hired as a barista at the coffee tent at Interlochen. All I can say is, after 4 years of begging, omg finally. lol.
2. I am very very very much in love. (: It's almost been a trip down memory-lane recently, but I was reading through my old journals and my old posts on here and... yeah. I was always nervous I wasn't actually in love and something better, more powerful, stronger, something I'd rather fight for, would come along and I'd be completed instead of finding a puzzle piece that sort of fits if you kind of wiggle it and then pound it down and pretend you don't notice that it doesn't fit right. And apparently I had a right to be so. It's been over a year and we are stronger than ever.<3 <3 <3
3. I'm not going back to school next year. (: Current roommate and bffffff, Rach, and I are moving to Boulder, Colorado and not coming back. lol. Ever. But seriously, we're getting an apartment and working for a year. Then going to the University of Colorado at Boulder in the fall of 2013. Everybody I talk to says that's a place I'm really going to shine. Well, I sincerely hope so. I'm tired of explaining my personality to all the clones out here.
4. I did my year without meat, and now I'm occassionally eating a little bit. I'll still probably choose the vegetarian dish, but I'm not completely cutting it off. It's nice to feel accomplished and free. At least in that one aspect of my life.
5. I'm on a super weight loss kick. Blahh. It's been three weeks, and it took a little while to adjust to it, but now it's totally rad. I've only lost 5 pounds so far, but seriously... I have a good excuse for this past week, lol. But seriously, it's a super kick. Not just a kick, a super one.
6. And of course, some things never change... journaling<3. reading<3. movies<3. maybe that one's new. (:

Whatever, working on defining myself, working on being happy in such a grey place. Forever uncertain.

-elyse... or someone like it.

My New Hat (:

i have never felt more hopeless and boring in my life than i did today. i hardly talked to drew because he was at work all day. and when i did talk to him, he was hanging out with people at work. at interlochen. without me. i miss him and i just want to be there.

i don't mean to sound insulting to you guys at all. i love you, i really do. but at this point every year, i just want to be back there.

in addition to him being at work all day, which sucked in itself... i found out he's working with his kind-of-sort-of they-fooled-around-a-little-bit-last-summer girl. he said they're still talking, but it is kind of awkward. no kidding it's a little awkward. it's a little awkward for me too. and it makes me feel horrible. i know i have no reason to worry, he loves me, etc. HOWEVER. i am very uncomfortable knowing he is going to be in the exact same situation he was last summer when he fell for her. it just makes me feel horrible and like i'm not good enough. don't ask why, i'm not sure. i just feel like she's so much better.

am i being a brat here? i know it's not his fault. but it's so much easier to just be upset with him than at the situation. i need somebody to be angry with, and i don't want to be this girl. i don't want to be upset over stupid things. so please, somebody, tell me if i am.

since it's technically friday here... i suppose a fill in the blank is necessary. (:

1. love is a real life porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool. (:

2. dancing in the rain makes me happy.

3. when my windows are open i hope birds fly in.

4. last time i laughed really hard was today in shelby's gran's pool.

5. the smell of seafood makes me queasy.

6. i think freckles are so adorable.