Interlochen.

So Kallen and Caitlin are in Amsterdam, the land of pot and hookers. I got a picture today of a glass case full of dildos... apparently they went to the sex museum in the red light district. Whatever, lol. They invited me to go with them, but I have real life financial responsibilities (plus I have no interest in Amsterdam) but seriously, I miss them. I miss them a lot. I met a transgender guy named Tony yesterday and he is my surrogate bff for the week. And then I've been texting/hanging out with some of the guy counselors. No girls. Of course. Sometimes I don't really feel like a woman at all. There are little things that confuse me. And that makes me feel a little bit weird. Whatever. They should be here the night of the 23rd, but that's still such a long ways away. Especially since camp hasn't even started. And Dylan's working stage crew, so he has his own group of friends to hang out with. So I just sit still. Journal. Blog, apparently.

Yesterday Rachel and I got the call (actually I called them, but whatever.) that we have been approved for our Colorado apartment. (: So she's working, and I start work tomorrow. And from then on it's saving money, working full time, making lots of lists, and when I get back to Ohio, FINISH PACKING. I'm only going to have like, 3 days, to pack all the things to build my life with 1500 miles away. I have lists all over my life. I cannot wait. It's 56 days for me, 38(?) for Rach. We have furniture and cookbooks and regular books and pillowcases and all the other things you need in order to live. It's going to be such a great adventure.

Dylan and I are sitting at Buds, chilling on our computers (sidenote: I always wonder what people do on their computers that takes so long... I get on, check facebook, maybe tumblr, and then... that's it. lol. and I'm bored. I would much rather have my journal and a pen.). Tonight we're going to the Karlin Inn, but that's in another hour and I'm starving to death. All I've eaten today is a bowl of cereal. Soon I'm going to die of hunger. Whatever.


I'm going to put my computer away.

Elyse

Isaiah 66: 13

anxieeeeety.

Psalm 34:18

I did what you suggested... I just wish so desperately I would get a straightforward answer.

I'm exhausted but there's no way I could sleep right now, I'm too tired, if that's possible.
Everything is kind of blurry and I can't really breathe and my eyes are so swollen I can barely see out of them. At least Mom hugged me when she saw me. They understand. They know I'm not just being dramatic. But wow, it just feels so impossible.

71 days. I am so tired of this. The word "forever" just keeps sounding better and better.