stuffffffffffffff.

so hey. haha. i love my mod.


also...


there is a nice country boy here (:

i'm awfully tired.

it's so good to be back.




i love my family and my girls back home
but nothing compares to the way i feel here.

i belong here.

i knew it the moment i stepped on campus
and i knew it the moment i woke up and was hit with the sudden realization that
I Could Not Possibly Pass This Up.


and i'm glad i haven't.




you girls are changing my life.

there are so many things i still want to say.

i just need to be angry
and upset
and bitter
for a while.

but i think in a while.
i'd be willing to try again.

and it's a really horrible time for me to decide i need this.
but i can't go back.
maybe we can start over.
in a couple weeks or something.

but for now.
i'm just not ready.



i think maybe this will give me strength.
i sincerely hope so.
because i've never felt weaker in my life.

here








why doesn't he love me anymore?

breaking point.

i am stressed to the point of breaking
i slammed doors
i yelled at dad on the phone
i sat in my closet and cried
i should be excited for fall break
but i'm being pulled in so many directions,
i'd rather just stay here
than have to deal with all these stupid changes
and everybody being
upset
or disappointed
or angry
with or at me.




it's a good thing i'm not going home for thanksgiving.
i can only imagine what would happen.


gee, i can't WAIT for Christmas.

Uninterested.

here

i can't think of anything to do that would take the place of this boring emptiness that has consumed me.

kallen, i'm ready when you are.

<--------------

some history.

in case you were wondering, i started this blog to keep track of and share my faith all those months ago. it recently came to my attention that this blog is extremely lacking in faith. i need to refocus my attention.

i've begun to change. i know everybody changes in college, but i think i've changed in a way that is very different. i didn't expect this. and it's going to be hard. but i'm willing to try. i have a great group of girls supporting me here.

here are some things about my faith lately:
1. i'm beginning to worry about this relationship, and how it fits in with my faith.
i feel like maybe we're not strong enough to make this last. we'll see, i guess. i'm going to talk to janine about it at some point.

2. i've had some issues with temptation lately. i feel a little bit better about it, but it's still there. i'm working on it.

3. i really do like reading the Bible. i mean. i don't read it. i make her read it to me. but it's changing the way i'm looking at religion. in a really amazing way.

4. i don't like cussing. i decided that. it physically hurts my ears now. i don't like it when he says it. and i tell him. but he doesn't seem to care. please refer to #1.




may the Lord bless you and keep you. may the very face of God shine upon you and be gracious to you this week. go now in peace. (:

i don't want you to know.

i am really starting to wonder.


[insert image]

it scares me.

your favorite band.

here


And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once.











i'm a little bit better. but i still need a healthy distraction. sigh. we'll see, i guess.

I just want you to know!!! (: (: (:

here

that i freaking love you.





and i miss you. and i will never ever ever forget you. even though we may be 950 miles apart. this is for both of you. don't forget it.





somebody said something yesterday that reminded me of you.





he said, " i love you hon. i need you to never forget that. i'm serious."





so that's what i'm saying to you.











i love you. i love you. i love you. i need you to never forget that.