hey guys.

(: so it's been such a crappy day, but now that classes are over for the day and it's raining and i'm just hanging out in my panties and comfy sweatshirt with my bff, things are okay. our room is still a mess, and there is still paint on my hands. my foot hurts so badly i can hardly walk, and im not on schedule with a bunch of things i should have done already. however, i feel okay.


so lately i've been really really into my journal lately. it sucks being away from kallen and caitlin because i really need a journal buddy. but i feel good about it. it's filling up about as quickly as it used to, and i want to spend time working in it, making it something i'm proud of for the first time in a long time. this journal is also my very first experiment with art journaling, and i absolutely adore it. it's so much fun, but our room is absolutely bursting with scraps of coloured paper, glue sticks, acrylics, watercolours, things to glue in (movie tickets, lists, magazine cutouts, etc.). i'm not sure how rach feels about it, but it doesn't bother me any (:


speaking of naps. i'm going to go take one. <3

Colorado [insert heart]

Apartment hunting with Rach, staying in this gorgeous house in Colorado. Driving around, listening to music, walking, drinking tea, ahhh.

I cannot wait to move. <3y

To get even further away from those high school years.

I can always find something to be angry about.

and that's bs.

i get so angry over nothing, and then i get so upset that i'm angry. and then i'm so angry i could cry, and i usually do, and ah. i just don't know when life is ever going to be appealing. there is so much to be angry about.

and yet, none of the things i'm angry about make any sense.

i just don't care right now. i'm pissed off, and i just don't care. i'm slamming doors and glaring at the world. for no reason. but i still am. i'm so tired of living this life. of being trapped in this angsty cynical person. im so so tired.

whatever.

You know what I think are interesting?

Bodies. I am the worse person in the world to put anywhere there are semi-naked people. It's nothing sexual and it's nothing perverted. I just love the differences between bodies. Love them. And people think I'm totally weird and awkward. But I'm pretty sure that's one of the things that makes me an artist.

Or maybe it just makes me a freak. <3

so very happy(:

Thursday: hookah with cherish, josh, and rach in Wichita until 1:30, to my friend Tyler's house to hang out until 3:30, broke his window... :X, iHOP, home at 5:30, class at 9. LIKE A BOSS.

Friday: skating rink after hours with josh, rach, and kelsi in Hutch. lots of papa johns, lots of free dt. pepsi, lots of free arcade games. more skating. daylight donuts at 5 a.m., cheating at BS, following the ambulances, home by 7, work at 12...:20... when my boss called me to ask why i was late and if i was ever coming in. sigh.

Saturday: naps, subway, naps, naps, naps.

Sunday: journaling and harry potter. <3

Telling everybody the dark truth.

I feel so awful right now, and for no reason at all.
I don't want to finish school, I have no motivation to do anything. Literally anything. Not go to class or clean the room or get on tumblr. I don't know.

I just feel stupid today.

Always writing huge, long entries...

and then erasing them because they're too intimate.

or something.



guess you'll never really know me.

It's interesting... or maybe it's not

how I always think of things to blog about at work, and I always think, "I will not forget this by the time I get to my computer," and then I do. So here am I, with a head full of thoughts, but nothing to say.

Anyways. Last night was such a fantastic night, I spent 7 hours hanging out with the three of the greatest people ever. Went to the basketball game, Newells, and Drubers. (: It gave me hope in humanity again. And it was nice to laugh. For pretty much the first time all semester.

Today I have two papers to write, an article to read, and two days of math homework to do. And... I'm not interested. lol. I'm actually reading my uncle's third book instead. They're so so so fantastic. And really quick reads, so that's nice. It's hard not having unlimited time to read. I did just read Tell All by Chuck Palahniuk though. It was so great.


So anyways, I really want some macaroni.

Love elyse.

The day is never dark enough.

A few things that have been on my mind lately... But I suppose we'll see where I begin. My thoughts are kind of jumbled today.

Some days, I feel weak for no reason. There is nothing to do today. No tutoring, no journaling, nothing on my computer. And that just leaves me feeling bored and annoyed. And then I figured I would sleep, but I wasn't tired enough to sleep. And I know I need to go work out, but I'm just not interested today. I'm not tired enough to sleep, but too tired to work out. :/ It's a horrible in-between. Which leads me to my point. I feel weak. For no reason. But here we are. I figured I'd give in and blog about it, which tends to happen faster than journaling, instead of walking around, running my head into walls.

I can tell I'm on a very fine line right now, and I'm concentrating very hard on not crossing that line. I'm just bored, really. I'm fine besides that. I just fall into a kind of stupor if I don't have anything to keep me busy. To keep my hands busy, my mind busy. But some days that doesn't even matter.

Whatever.

I'm feelin' a little bit better.

Even though all I want to do is eat a million sugar cookies. lol.

And I have a math test today :(