Tuesday, September 28, 2010

i really feel like she might know.


we talked. for a long time actually.
and i'm not sure if it changed anything.
but it changed what i know i need to do.
i just don't want to.


i asked her about sin. i asked her if wanting to sin because i don't feel like it's a sin still makes it a sin. i asked her hypothetical situations. and i asked her if it was satan. i pulled my hair and i fidgeted and i sighed quite a bit. i was nervous. i was scared. i was upset. i asked her so many dumb questions. but she never made me feel dumb. i don't know why it matters. but it does. i told her about the dream. it scares me that she knows now. i feel awkward and vulnerable. i feel like at any second, things could connect and be weird. but it's not a big deal. i mean. it shouldn't be. sigh. but it still feels like it is. i want her to know. but i don't want anything to change.

elyse, you're being unrealistic. just keep it to yourself.

by the way.
thank YOU for bugging me for that hour. but i still don't know why you care.
but thanks. it was 100% necessary.

i miss shelby and kallen. SIIIGGGH and mom and dad and dylan and aaron and drew and stuff. luckily natalie's here to give me hugs (:

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