Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
and then some days... things should really not be sucky for a million different reasons. but they are.
*Drew and I have officially been dating for 9 months.
*I finally contacted my *crosses fingers* hopefully future boss today.
I don't know anything.
i need an adventure.
Friday, June 25, 2010
It reminds me of him. But how can i not be reminded of him when i've seen him pretty regularly since i've been here. but you know what? i don't care anymore. i know i've said things like this before, and usually they're complete crap... but this time i think i really mean it.
i went for a walk in my pajamas this morning, and listened to relient k on my ipod. and i ran into all sorts of people, including him. and i realized... if he cares? that's his problem. i know i looked strange, i know my hair was everywhere, and i know my pants were dragging on the ground. but if i am going to spend my entire summer primping for someone who really shouldn't matter anyway? what's the point? so i am officially letting him go. and i feel good.
i'm really worried about my bestie. i got my first letter from her the other day, and she sounds extremely unhappy. i wish i could zoom on down there to see her, but obviously that can't happen. i just want her to be happy. i really really do. :/
i have about 50 minutes until i have to go to a meeting and watch a video about what to do in the case of a dying camper.... lock him in the basement of Stone and pretend not to know what they mean? sounds kind of like what most of us would do if this were to actually happen... considering we all bring other things to do during the meeting. so that will be good.
i hate to say it with the rest of you sounding like your summer is the farties, but my summer is kind of great so far. lots of relaxing, lots of borders, lots of fresh air, and lots of my boyfriend on demand.
but don't worry, summer is bound to get fabulous. it always does. (: in the meantime, stay up too late, eat too many popsicles, and breathe in the day. it's worth it- i promise.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
i don't mean to sound insulting to you guys at all. i love you, i really do. but at this point every year, i just want to be back there.
in addition to him being at work all day, which sucked in itself... i found out he's working with his kind-of-sort-of they-fooled-around-a-little-bit-last-summer girl. he said they're still talking, but it is kind of awkward. no kidding it's a little awkward. it's a little awkward for me too. and it makes me feel horrible. i know i have no reason to worry, he loves me, etc. HOWEVER. i am very uncomfortable knowing he is going to be in the exact same situation he was last summer when he fell for her. it just makes me feel horrible and like i'm not good enough. don't ask why, i'm not sure. i just feel like she's so much better.
am i being a brat here? i know it's not his fault. but it's so much easier to just be upset with him than at the situation. i need somebody to be angry with, and i don't want to be this girl. i don't want to be upset over stupid things. so please, somebody, tell me if i am.since it's technically friday here... i suppose a fill in the blank is necessary. (:
1. love is a real life porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool. (:
2. dancing in the rain makes me happy.
3. when my windows are open i hope birds fly in.
4. last time i laughed really hard was today in shelby's gran's pool.
5. the smell of seafood makes me queasy.
6. i think freckles are so adorable.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
He's there without me. :/ And I miss him.
Kallen and I went on a drive the other day. On the way home, I realized these are the moments that make up the story of my life. It seemed rather insignificant at the time. But looking back... It's dumb of me to be upset that I don't feel interesting sometimes... When I have 86,400 seconds in a day to do something I'm proud of.
I, Elyse Terry, promise to grab each moment
and not let go. I promise to find something
beautiful and spectacular each day, and to
treat life with the respect and love it deserves.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
the feel of the waterfront
the excitement of skittles
the tension of pirate's key
the prices at the hoffbrau
the nachos at the karlin inn
the smell of sunscreen
the hot cement at otter creek
the lyrics of guitar lessons
the time at pizza hut
the familiarity of target
the gift cards for borders
the sweetness of the 20-minute
the amazing shakes at burger king
Monday, June 14, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
welcome to the world, elyse.
it occurred to me today that things could be beautiful.
i've been spending a lot of time lately trying to figure out how I feel about everything. not everything in general, but everything individually and in its own detail. and i can't figure out what I want to do. about anything.
the other day shelby and i were talking about both just up and bailing on college to work together and open a catering business. i know it's not going to happen.
but what if i had enough guts to take the chance?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I have not been this worried about my relationship since... I got in it.
Lately I've been feeling very neutral about life, and it's wearing through my relationship with Drew. He asks what's wrong, and I say nothing, because I'm not sure how to explain this feeling. When he pushes and pushes, I keep saying I'm okay because I don't know what else to say. And then he lets it go. And it breaks my heart. And I feel like I need to let him know. But of course I can't say it like a normal person. So I bitch him out until I'm in tears.
But maybe it's a good thing. Some times I get in moods where I feel like it's time for a heart to break. Usually it's mine. But sometimes, by breaking my own heart... I break other people's. I can never win.
expectations." I thought maybe I was telling myself I was just in a rough patch with my fire for life. And although this should probably make me feel better... I have never felt more hopeless.
this is where i was today.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
it reminds me of high school.
am i ready for this?
i have a favourite mug.
every time i use it, i am reminded of the day i bought it. sitting outside a bakery on a beautiful summer day, eating pie and drinking coffee with my family. i am also reminded of the electric green van that drove by, and the picture message i sent to my close friend, who had a deep obsession with anything green. i am reminded of the times she, along with 5 of my other close friends, used to come over for random crazy parties. i remember feeling cute, and skinny, and alive.
The other day, I accidentally sat on my favorite sunglasses. They were black and heart shaped. Immature, I know, but so fun to wear. At the mall yesterday, I was determined to find a new pair. I don't last long without sunglasses. I finally found a pair I could live with, but they are so plain. They have rounded rectangular lenses, and a cheetah print frame. They're cute... but they can never measure up to my heart shapes. As I was complaining to my best friend, she said something that changed my view on everything: " it's a new era."
am i really the only one who feels like life is falling flat of my expectations for it?
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
When we first started dating, I figured this was just a fun relationship until college. And then things got more serious. Not serious, but more serious than I thought they would get. And that was okay. And the more things keep going now, I do love him in certain ways. I really do. However... now I'm wondering if it would be better if I just left a good thing a good thing until waiting until we fall apart and we're both miserable from missing each other. I just don't know what to do. I want to be with him for a while. But honestly? I'm not sure if I can see us together in a year (with both of us being satisfied with this...).
Anyways. Today I think I am mostly just hanging out until I get my shots done for college, and Shelby and I are going shopping for supplies for our Annual Picnic tomorrow. (: Currently, the menu consists of: chocolate covered strawberries, bagel sandwiches, cinnamon rolls, and sparkling fruit juice. I feel like maybe we need one other thing. But I'm not so sure. Ideas?
The good news is, I've been really making an effort to go to church lately, and I think it's paying off. I feel a little bit closer to God, and I appreciate the support from all of you girls. Thank you so much.
Monday, June 7, 2010
This morning I was laying with Drew on his bed, and I almost said it. I almost did. And then? I thought about it. Some things about him I really do love. But that's just it... Some things. If we go by loving somebody for some things about themselves... I would be in love 5 times over. So I kept my mouth shut.
Friday, June 4, 2010
1. ate chocolate donuts.
2. rode along in the car to fort wayne.
3. tried on so many clothes.
4. annoyed a target employee because he wouldn't help me find my mom.
5. bought daddy a birthday gift- HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD (:
6. went to borders.
7. watched desperate housewives.
8. glued some flowers from graduation into my journal.
8 Things I'm Looking Forward To
2. senior trip to nashville.
3. starting college.
4. drew's graduation/party and the gallery hop tomorrow night (:
5. hs football game in october.
6. having my own house.
7. falling in love.
8. desperate housewives season 6 on dvd this september!
8 Things I Wish I Could Do
1. run hurdles.
2. love him as much as he loves me.
3. be funny when i want to.
6. have a job. :/
7. stay up during movies.
8. not drink as much diet pepsi.
today is a beautiful day. i've been filling my days with thank you cards, graduation parties, desperate housewives, journaling, and making plans. today i went swimming in lima at shelby's grandma's pool. it felt so amazing, and was so much fun. i enjoy having no responsibilities.
something i don't appreciate? being invited places, and then having my presence "explained." it's really crappy. especially from family.
in other news... i know nothing.
God, give me strength. Amen.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
But am I?
I have had very little luck rekindling my passion for life. I'm racing around, trying to find things to keep myself occupied, but I seem to be finding myself late at night staring at the patterns of light on the walls, wondering what is the point? It is very uninspiring.
I need some way to call a truce with life, but I have nothing to say.