Friday, September 3, 2010

I Remember...

The moment my life changed forever.
I remember singing. I remember the tune.
I remember the leader's hair color.
I remember taking my blue composition book
outside and just crying.
I remember nobody else thinking anything
was happening.
I remember wanting to give up everything
just to serve Him.

I felt that again tonight.

This evening I went to a bible study, which I have never been to in my life. Our leader gave her testimony, where she talked about suicidal thoughts, depression, and her story up until now. It seems like everybody came to college with a story to tell.

except me.

And that's okay, I guess. I mean, it's probably better this way. That I've never had sex for money, or never been arrested for driving drunk, or never had a big drug addiction that I've overcome by rediscovering my passion for Jesus, etc. That's a good thing. Right? RIGHT?

I was hanging out with some girls in my RA's room earlier, and we were playing some mind games and just having a good time, and as we all stood up to leave, I heard Rachel say, "Can we finish talking about that thing later?" and Liz replied with an "absolutely" or "of course" or something equally I-support-you-esque. And I just wanted to sink down to the floor. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you what I'm thinking. I want to ask you things that I feel like only you can answer. I need an outlet like this. I have to know what you think about this... I need to talk to you too. Let me tell you my story. It might not be as interesting.

but i still have one.

1 comment:

  1. it doesnt have to be interesting. YOU are interesting. YOU were strong enough to never fall to the lame temptations of this world. everyone else was. they were weak and crumpled to the things that you always laughed at. you are smart, cunning, and beautiful. you know what you want and what you dont want and you dont let anyone change those things. btw....she has a testimony too. YOU can be there for HER.