drew just took my seat.

you ever have someone who just changed your life?

you're not sure why, and it doesn't exactly make sense.

but when you think of them, you just smile and remember. but miss them like crazy? for no reason at all.
here

welcome to this week.



lately... lots of late nights, early mornings, journaling and letters, iced tea and flowers, boyfriend kisses and nail biting.



there's still time, i suppose. but right now it would be nice to jump on in.





i want to be you.



here

sadface

why.

don't ask me, it's never made any sense.

things still feel impossible.

but i'm trying.

here

Nathaniel and Superfly!

some days things can be really sucky.


and then some days... things should really not be sucky for a million different reasons. but they are.

here


*Drew and I have officially been dating for 9 months.


*I finally contacted my *crosses fingers* hopefully future boss today.

I feel like I'm walking in a tunnel, I should know exactly where I'm going... after all... I'm in a tunnel. There are two directions to go: forward or back. And yet? I find myself gazing at the graffiti on the ceiling of the tunnel, spinning around getting dizzy, falling over and just laying there. I have nowhere to go from here. I don't know why I get like this. I don't know why I can't just explain it.



I don't know anything.






i need an adventure.




here

Sitting in the Library.

It reminds me of him. But how can i not be reminded of him when i've seen him pretty regularly since i've been here. but you know what? i don't care anymore. i know i've said things like this before, and usually they're complete crap... but this time i think i really mean it.

here

i went for a walk in my pajamas this morning, and listened to relient k on my ipod. and i ran into all sorts of people, including him. and i realized... if he cares? that's his problem. i know i looked strange, i know my hair was everywhere, and i know my pants were dragging on the ground. but if i am going to spend my entire summer primping for someone who really shouldn't matter anyway? what's the point? so i am officially letting him go. and i feel good.





i'm really worried about my bestie. i got my first letter from her the other day, and she sounds extremely unhappy. i wish i could zoom on down there to see her, but obviously that can't happen. i just want her to be happy. i really really do. :/








i have about 50 minutes until i have to go to a meeting and watch a video about what to do in the case of a dying camper.... lock him in the basement of Stone and pretend not to know what they mean? sounds kind of like what most of us would do if this were to actually happen... considering we all bring other things to do during the meeting. so that will be good.





i hate to say it with the rest of you sounding like your summer is the farties, but my summer is kind of great so far. lots of relaxing, lots of borders, lots of fresh air, and lots of my boyfriend on demand.





but don't worry, summer is bound to get fabulous. it always does. (: in the meantime, stay up too late, eat too many popsicles, and breathe in the day. it's worth it- i promise.

I Will Dance, I Will Sing.

i am officially a moment ruiner.

drew: elyse... you are completely gorgeous. i think your body is absolutely beautiful.

me: are you sure you're not gay?

i had a dream it was our wedding day and i found him in the shower with my brother. great start to a great day.

summer is apparently "officially" starting, as i had my first day at "work" today. it was awful, but go figure. i made some friends, and i have a lot of old ones there already, so i think it'll be a good year.

last night i ate out at Giovanni's, which was delicious, and then watched Kung Fu Panda with my friends. (: now i'm sitting at Borders, knitting and drinking iced tea. some days truly feed my soul.

i will dance, i will sing

to be mad for my king

nothing, Lord, is hindering

this passion in my soul.

thank you for today. (: Amen.

Sitting at Borders.

here

I don't have a ton of time, but I figured I owe it to you to update.

I ran into him and it was actually okay. I'm still alive.

I was worried about having a boyfriend in the summer because I'm a big "looking for a love interest" person, but I love having Drew here and having him understand everything.

In the past 4 days, I've:

* taken 3 trips to borders

* squished 5 people into a photo booth

* lost my phone

* kissed in the rain (FINALLY)

* seen Toy Story 3

* been informed there is a mouse in my cabin

* found a topless bar I never knew existed

it's looking like it's going to be a pretty decent summer. (: last night it occurred to me I actually might have a legitimate group of friends this year. So far, it's looking like it will be me, Kallen, Caitlin, Dylan, Drew, and maybe James (: Oh, I enjoy life some days.

here

however, i feel like things would be better if i looked like this girl. she's cute.

PS: i got an amazing bicycle yesterday. it's one i've wanted for a long time, and i finally found the exact one i want. (: maybe i'll get a picture for you guys later. in the meantime, stay sweet. (:

My New Hat (:

i have never felt more hopeless and boring in my life than i did today. i hardly talked to drew because he was at work all day. and when i did talk to him, he was hanging out with people at work. at interlochen. without me. i miss him and i just want to be there.

i don't mean to sound insulting to you guys at all. i love you, i really do. but at this point every year, i just want to be back there.

in addition to him being at work all day, which sucked in itself... i found out he's working with his kind-of-sort-of they-fooled-around-a-little-bit-last-summer girl. he said they're still talking, but it is kind of awkward. no kidding it's a little awkward. it's a little awkward for me too. and it makes me feel horrible. i know i have no reason to worry, he loves me, etc. HOWEVER. i am very uncomfortable knowing he is going to be in the exact same situation he was last summer when he fell for her. it just makes me feel horrible and like i'm not good enough. don't ask why, i'm not sure. i just feel like she's so much better.

am i being a brat here? i know it's not his fault. but it's so much easier to just be upset with him than at the situation. i need somebody to be angry with, and i don't want to be this girl. i don't want to be upset over stupid things. so please, somebody, tell me if i am.

since it's technically friday here... i suppose a fill in the blank is necessary. (:

1. love is a real life porn, minus all the stuff that makes porn cool. (:

2. dancing in the rain makes me happy.

3. when my windows are open i hope birds fly in.

4. last time i laughed really hard was today in shelby's gran's pool.

5. the smell of seafood makes me queasy.

6. i think freckles are so adorable.

Happy New Journal, Elyse.

Envy has always been a problem of mine. No matter who or what it is, I can always find a way to be envious. But this time... I really think I have a reason.
here

He's there without me. :/ And I miss him.


Kallen and I went on a drive the other day. On the way home, I realized these are the moments that make up the story of my life. It seemed rather insignificant at the time. But looking back... It's dumb of me to be upset that I don't feel interesting sometimes... When I have 86,400 seconds in a day to do something I'm proud of.


I, Elyse Terry, promise to grab each moment
and not let go. I promise to find something
beautiful and spectacular each day, and to
treat life with the respect and love it deserves.

here

Say It Ain't So.

the memories of buds
the feel of the waterfront
the excitement of skittles
the tension of pirate's key
the prices at the hoffbrau
the nachos at the karlin inn
the smell of sunscreen
the hot cement at otter creek
the lyrics of guitar lessons
the time at pizza hut
the familiarity of target
the gift cards for borders
the sweetness of the 20-minute
the amazing shakes at burger king

But... I Could Make It So.

we all need some sort of death.
today is the death of that year.




but we both know that's not true.