Lately I have been staying out late, sleeping very occasionally, and waking up early for something. Therefore, I am becoming remarkably good at sneaking out of bed/rooms while others are asleep. I feel like a slut.
This morning I went to the Memorial Day Parade. My very last experience with the BHS Marching Band. I cannot even believe I'm here already. My best friend, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend are all asleep downstairs in my room, while I am up here hanging out with Dylan.
Today I get to relax for the first time in a long time, I think. I only have one graduation party, and I really need to journal. I love being able to relax, so I hate graduation party weekend. I hate the stress and tension of having to run around to all sorts of parties every day. I eat too much, and I always get really sweaty, and it is just horrible. However... I know it's necessary.
Can I be honest for a second?
I am terrified. Shelby has been trying to get me to love Molly Lengyl (sp?) for a long time. And I would love her. However, if I'm being honest? I'm jealous of her. I am terribly envious. I know it's unattractive and I know I sound dramatic and I know how elementary this is. But I"ve somehow convinced myself that everybody likes her more than me. Shelby does. Aaron does. Drew does. All my other friends do. She's more interesting, cuter, funnier... just all around a better person than me. And it's really making me uneasy and scared. I know I probably shouldn't be scared and every time I talk to anybody about this, they remind me that Shelby and I are some of the strongest friends they've ever seen. BUT... what if she doesn't want me anymore? I just don't know. I don't want to tell her. But I can't pretend I love somebody I'm terrified of.
Yesterday I went to church (: It was a beautiful thing.
Apparently all my one night stands are awake and looking for me. So I'm gonna go. (: