Saturday, August 28, 2010

no reason.

the way i'm sitting in my dorm room


with the lights off

at 11:30

on a friday night

i feel like i'm writing a suicide note.

i might as well be for the way my heart aches.

i haven't felt like this in over a year.

i don't like this feeling.

this pining

this jealousy

this torment of not being the most important person.

i tried talking to three people about it.

i want to talk to you, but i know you wouldn't understand.

why do i want this as badly as i do?

why is it such a big deal to me?

why can't i just let this go and go back to the way things were before?

there is no reason.

and yet?

i'm obsessed.

i don't know where to go, so i'm standing still.

i'm scared of what my heart is telling me.

i'm scared of the emotions i feel.

i'm scared that this is as serious to me as it is.

i'm scared that i'm so heartbroken about it.

and i'm really scared i'm going to stay like this.


  1. you are the most important person to me. it took eight years, elyse. you've only been at school for a little while....and you know how you are with first impressions. they arent your strong point. i DO know how you feel. and i want to hug you forever. things will change.

  2. I love you, Elyse. It takes a little getting used to with so many new things surrounding you. But you can do it and you'll figure everything out. I'm praying for you and let me know how you're doing, okay?

    Yo sista'