no reason.

the way i'm sitting in my dorm room

alone

with the lights off

at 11:30

on a friday night





i feel like i'm writing a suicide note.



i might as well be for the way my heart aches.

i haven't felt like this in over a year.



i don't like this feeling.

this pining

this jealousy

this torment of not being the most important person.





i tried talking to three people about it.

i want to talk to you, but i know you wouldn't understand.





why do i want this as badly as i do?

why is it such a big deal to me?

why can't i just let this go and go back to the way things were before?



there is no reason.







and yet?



i'm obsessed.



i don't know where to go, so i'm standing still.

i'm scared of what my heart is telling me.

i'm scared of the emotions i feel.

i'm scared that this is as serious to me as it is.

i'm scared that i'm so heartbroken about it.



and i'm really scared i'm going to stay like this.