Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Fight.

I have not been this worried about my relationship since... I got in it.

Lately I've been feeling very neutral about life, and it's wearing through my relationship with Drew. He asks what's wrong, and I say nothing, because I'm not sure how to explain this feeling. When he pushes and pushes, I keep saying I'm okay because I don't know what else to say. And then he lets it go. And it breaks my heart. And I feel like I need to let him know. But of course I can't say it like a normal person. So I bitch him out until I'm in tears.

But maybe it's a good thing. Some times I get in moods where I feel like it's time for a heart to break. Usually it's mine. But sometimes, by breaking my own heart... I break other people's. I can never win.

I was flipping through my journal today

on the way to Cincinnati, and I found a quote I'd written a month or so back, and it said, "Life rarely matches our

expectations." I thought maybe I was telling myself I was just in a rough patch with my fire for life. And although this should probably make me feel better... I have never felt more hopeless.

this is where i was today.

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